


A Matter of Convenience (Stores)

by chillsoya



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bisexual James Potter, Boys in Skirts, But not explicit, Christmas Fluff, Christmas fic, Coming Out, Convenience Store Gift, Crossdressing, Explicit Consent, Fingering, Finstas, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Not Beta Read, Past James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Porn Magazines, Secret Santa, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Therapy, anger issues, slight crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-09
Updated: 2020-12-09
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:27:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27982266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chillsoya/pseuds/chillsoya
Summary: James Potter, arguably, should be easy to buy for. He likes football, he likes drinking, he purportedly likes Lily Evans. Regulus had taken the slip of paper with ‘James’ written on it happily enough, thinking he would have an easy go of it. Could be worse. Could be someone he barely knows at all like Mary or Alice.But no. It seemingly could not be worse.
Relationships: Regulus Black/James Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 11
Kudos: 273





	A Matter of Convenience (Stores)

A slight issue with agreeing to participate in a Secret Santa was the possibility of being assigned someone you don’t know. Regulus had been hoping to get someone he knew better, such as his brother, or Emmeline. Even someone who likely had predictable tastes would have been welcomed, such as Marlene who he figured would benefit from his expendable income going towards high end makeup or clothes. However, it seems Lady Luck is not on his side. 

James Potter, arguably, should be easy to buy for. He likes football, he likes drinking, he purportedly likes Lily Evans. Regulus had taken the slip of paper with ‘James’ written on it happily enough, thinking he would have an easy go of it. Could be worse. Could be someone he barely knows at all like Mary or Alice. 

But no. It seemingly could not be worse. 

Because despite all the things Regulus has heard James likes, Regulus doesn’t know what to get. Something football-like would be a bit predictable and also plays into that hyper-masculine thing that so many guys have got going on. He’d be as well getting aftershave if he was prepared to stoop that low. 

Then there’s the cop-out that would be buying James beer, or a beer mug, or something like that. It’s just.... boring. 

So then what? That exhausts everything Regulus knows about James Potter, apart from the Lily Evans thing which doesn’t help much. It isn’t like he’d even dream of asking her to just put a ribbon on her head, and besides, he really doesn’t sense the chemistry between them the way some others insist there is. It seems like they have friendly banter now that James isn’t such an over-assertive prick but there’s no extended eye contact or longing sideways glances or anything that should be in a rom-com movie they’d be best suited for. 

Regulus, in short, is stumped. 

He figures it probably doesn’t matter too much. It’s just Secret Santa, and they have an upper price limit of £50 besides so he can’t just be flamboyant and get him a car or something. Not that his parents would appreciate him dipping into the trust fund for that since he’s still not technically out of the family the way Sirius is. He might be happy enough to use the money his parents collated for him for whatever he pleases but he thinks a car would probably be a noticeable purchase and he already knows well enough how his parents feel about Potter. 

It wouldn’t be worth it. 

So now he has to think of something else. Something under £50 that is actually a good present. The way he sees it, he has to play to his strengths, and one of those is being a bit intense or extreme. It either has to be amazing, perfect, the best present James has ever got so he can smoke out all the competition, or it has to be fucking awful so that it can’t be seen as sincere. 

And, well, James seems to laugh rather a lot so maybe something stupid would be better. 

\- 

It doesn’t hurt to do some research, though. 

First he steals Sirius’s phone when he’s passed out on the couch at a party and easily works out the password because his brother is predictable. He opens up the messages in the ‘maraudering babebois glamour models’ groupchat which has a group image of James pulling a face that makes him look like a thumb. 

Scrolling up doesn’t provide him with a lot of helpful information. It’s mainly memes and them talking about getting pizza and sharing tiktoks. It seems James is desperate for the PS5 but again, the £50 limit will thwart him. Damn. That would have been an easy catch. Maybe a video game, then... But once more it doesn’t really sound like something that would smoke the competition as he had decided was one of two options on how this was going to go. 

Next, he corners a terrified Peter Pettigrew and asks him what James is interested in. He tells the guy that he’ll buy him not just a hot chocolate but an actual machine that makes hot chocolate with the little pods if he doesn’t tell James a word of his question (or anyone else for that matter). Once the transaction is through, Regulus is regrettably no better off but Peter is basically glowing with excitement to make an Oreo hot chocolate once he gets home so he doesn’t keep him to ask any follow-up questions. 

All he gleaned from Peter is that James has someone he likes but it isn’t Lily though he won’t tell Peter who (which Regulus didn’t even ask about and is pretty sure he’s only being told because Peter is trying to make it seem that he’s actually providing a lot of information when he isn’t), and that he likes Fifa (obviously) and plays snooker and pool at the pub whenever they go and always wins. A pool table would cost more than £50, again. Not exactly what he’s looking for, and also he has no idea what James’s flat is like so who knows where one would even fit. 

So he asks Lily to coffee and she seems confused at the request but obliges since she’s on winter holidays from university anyway. They huddle into a small corner of the coffee shop and strip off their scarves and gloves in awkward, windswept silence. Regulus makes a show of ‘just quickly checking’ his phone until they can go up and get their drinks so he can at least hide the lower part of his face behind the mug when he’s having to ask these personal questions. 

Hopefully Evans doesn’t think this is a date or something. He doubts she would have agreed to it if she did think that, though. 

“So, is it about secret Santa?” she asks with a smile and a tilt of her head and Regulus just nods sagely, eyeing the foam on the top of his cappuccino.   
“It probably hasn’t escaped your notice that I’m not really.... Close with many people in your friend group yet,” he says in way of explanation. He doesn’t really want to outright ask for help because then he’ll feel like a loser and he doesn’t want her to think he’s totally incompetent. “So I’ve been getting some ideas from different people.” 

There. Now it sounds like he’s being dynamic about it, taking action, dealing with the problem head on. Goodness, his father would be proud if they ever really spoke beyond their once-fortnightly phone calls that his father has to schedule in for the generous sum of fifteen minutes. It’s better that way, so Reg is glad of it. 

Lily nods, apparently taking on his somber attitude as well just to make him more comfortable. She’s very empathetic, he thinks. Regulus is still very stiff and unyielding around people, working past his inability to be casual apart from with a strict set of people in a strict set of contexts. His therapist gives him ‘homework’ every week and he reckons this checks the box for this time - ‘talk to someone, get to know them face to face.’ Two birds, one stone. 

“Do you want to tell me who it is?” she asks once they lapse into silence with an empathetic smile. Regulus shifts a little in his seat. He doesn’t want to seem like he cares too much. 

“James. All I knew about him was that he had a highschool obsession with you, he likes Fifa, football, snooker, drinking. I’ve been doing some research but nothing is really.... Striking me.” 

More like, none of that is at all relatable to Regulus, who isn’t at all interested in any of those things. It seems more and more like he has very little in common with James. How is he supposed to know what a good present would be if he doesn’t even remotely understand the subject? 

“Ah, I see,” Lily says, a bit pink in the face at having had the obsession brought up. “Well he’s gotten over the obsession, at least,” she laughs, and Regulus finds himself laughing a bit as well because her laugh is quite contagious. He’s not really someone who laughs much around other people, especially since he doesn’t like showing his teeth. He’s a bit insecure about them, not that he’d admit it. 

“Fortunately for you, yeah,” Regulus agrees mildly once he’s realised that he’s laughing and abruptly stopped, feeling embarrassed of himself.   
“Yep. So, what James likes... Well maybe it’s easier to choose something if you like the same stuff. You’ll have some shared interests, surely.” 

Pretty much Regulus’s thoughts exactly. Then again, he hadn’t wanted her to say that because that opens a door for her asking him about what he likes. He hadn’t prepared for personal conversation, and he doesn’t actually know what he likes most of the time. It’s like being asked what music you listen to and suddenly forgetting every song you ever heard. 

“The only thing James and I have in common that I can tell so far is that Sirius is either literally or basically our brother,” Regulus sighs, flipping some hair out of his face and taking another drink as he contemplates. He’ll need to be ready for her asking more questions.   
“Well, you get along well enough with Sirius now, right? So if you both get along with him, there must be things about the two of you that allow you to get along with a common denominator.” 

So she is as smart as everyone says she is. 

“Like what?” he asks, instead of inputting anything helpful. He’s just being cagey as the conversation errs more and more into territory of ‘about me’ which means ‘not welcome’ as far as Regulus is concerned. He knows Lily is trying to help. She raises a brow at him and sits back in her chair a bit, looking him over like she’s sizing him up. He kind of wants to shrivel up because he hates being stared at. 

“Well you’re both competitive,” she points out, nodding over her mug at him. “I remember everyone playing Mario Kart last time. You two were the loudest.” 

Regulus blushes to remember it, looking away with a grumble. She grins, knowing that she’s made headway. 

“Also you’re both intelligent. You both practice sports – Sirius says you ice skate and snowboard.” It’s kind of touching that Sirius even brought it up. “And you both like music. Sirius showed us a video of you playing piano from when you were 18 or so? You’re really good, by the way. James plays guitar.” 

And now he’s more annoyed with Sirius than touched by him sharing information about his little brother. A video?! That’s embarrassing... Has Sirius been boasting about him like a mother over coffee at a play date? Jeez. 

“Um. Thanks,” he mutters, looking down at his lap. He’s regretting this conversation, and he’s regretting asking. 

“No problem. That’s a start, then, isn’t it?” she asks, smiling again at him. She’s apparently totally unaware of his awkwardness, or has chosen to ignore it. 

“Well... Yes, I think so,” he nods, not feeling like he has the energy to keep going anyway. He’d ask her more about his hobbies and stuff because he’s not sure how a list of common personality traits are actually going to help him, but at this point he kind of just wants to go to bed. He’s going to be finding something embarrassing of Sirius to share to his friends later, just to get him back. 

Once they round up, Regulus does just that. He finds a recording he has of Sirius singing the Pokemon theme tune in the shower and sends it on the groupchat of all the people who are taking part in Secret Santa, then sends another message after. 

‘Oops’. 

Sirius calls him to whine about it later, but Regulus doesn’t bother to apologise. 

\-- 

So now that he knows something along the lines of ‘he and James aren’t so different after all’, which sounds like it comes out of a saccharine Christmas movie, Regulus is no closer to getting anything done. He’s running out of time, but he doesn’t have a great deal of motivation to rush about it. He doubts he’s going to get anything outstanding at this point. The idea of just getting something atrocious is ever more appealing. 

He just has to work out what, exactly, would be atrocious enough. 

Being a perfectionist, if it’s going to be bad it has to be the perfect amount of bad. Bad enough to show it’s meant to be bad. Not so bad that it’s like he tried way too hard to be funny. He spends an inordinate time scrolling on Wish, then Amazon, and ends up getting advertised weird as fuck stuff on his Facebook because of the cookies. He kind of regrets it, especially since he’s empty handed after it anyway. 

He considered Shrek merchandise for a long moment because it’s the paradigm of weird/funny gifts generally. Then he considers something sexual but the idea of being caught out as the person giving it is horrendous and makes him cringe. After all, it is supposed to stay secret, even though he has the idea that people are probably going to confess to their gift giving as soon as the wrapping paper is on the floor. 

Sighing, he turns over to lie on his stomach instead and wonders if there’s anyone else he should ask. 

Sirius would blab about it, clearly. Remus would probably tell Sirius in confidence, leading to the same outcome. Plus, he doesn’t want his brother knowing how much thought he’s putting into this. It’ll only get him teased, and he’s still learning to take a lighthearted joke against a snide, ill-meant comment. He doesn’t want to blow up at Sirius for nothing, after all, given how understanding his brother has tried to be about his therapy and such. 

So he’s basically out of options unless he wants to put himself through the torture of trying to talk to someone else he barely knows, like Marlene or Mary. Emmeline won’t know any better than he does and it’s likely Amelia wouldn’t either. If he hardly knew Lily, that meant he basically didn’t know Marlene or Mary at all. And with Dorcas, well... He doesn’t think he’s prepared for her boundless enthusiasm. Especially since they were friends in their primary school years (until his parents caught wind and put a quick stop to that, anyway), so she always seems dead set on ‘catching up’ with him. 

And Alice and Frank are way too mushy to try and talk to. He doesn’t think he could put himself through it without gagging. Good for them and all, but no thanks. 

So it’s up to him. He’ll just have to work it out. 

But, he doesn’t work it out. Actually, he pretty much forgets about it with the end of term finals and assignments for uni and he stays busy enough that the day of the Secret Santa gift exchange rolls around and he’s not even bought a card. When he remembers that afternoon as he’s doing dishes from lunch, he drops a plate right into the basin and it cracks. 

“Fuck!” he snaps, starting to fish out the chunks of ceramic and fumbling with the sud-covered pieces. Grunting, he manages to finish cleaning out the sink, but his mind is going a hundred miles a minute. 

What the fuck is he going to get for James? 

For a split second he considers just calling James himself and asking him what he wants under the guise of someone else asking Regulus to find out. It just doesn’t seem believable enough though, even if Regulus is a good liar. The only person who would turn to Regulus to ask about James would be Emmeline, because everyone else is closer with Sirius, Remus, Lily, while Regulus is not. He doesn’t want that assumption to be made because Emmeline would be pissed if he was the reason someone thought she couldn’t get a good gift and would leave anything to the last minute. 

The worries of what to get plague him all day while he studies, writes references and does his laundry. He’s soon enough out of time – he has to leave in twenty minutes to get there on time, and he’s always on time. He can’t stand it when he isn’t. So he’s lost the opportunity to order something, lost the opportunity to do a last minute sweep to any of the high street shops. He’s going to have to just pick something up on the way. 

Donning his coat and shoes like a man preparing himself to go over the top into the front line, he leaves his flat in a fugue of nerves and resentment at himself for forgetting and not having done something about it promptly. So much for being well organised, well mannered, well prepared... He feels like an idiot. 

As he’s walking, he starts to talk himself down. It really isn’t that big a deal. He won’t be the only one getting a shit gift, and some of their friends will have done it on purpose just for fun. He can remain adamant about keeping his giftee a secret so James never knows it’s him that got such a crap present. It’ll be fine. He shouldn’t be caring this much because it’s relatively inconsequential. He can’t keep catastrophising like this. He scans shop fronts as he walks, though there are only a few. A couple charity shops with fairy lights around mannequins wearing second-hand jumpers and skirts and woolly hats, a betting place, a pub. Nothing very promising so far. 

Well, he’ll have to stop somewhere. He’s getting thirsty because of the crisp winter air that is particularly dry, making his tongue feel thick and useless. Shaking his head in defeat, he heads into the convenience store to get something to drink. Maybe he’ll find something good in here. 

The brightly lit shelves are full of food, mainly, and he scans them one by one with determination. He won’t leave here empty handed. He’s got a wire basket slung over his arm and is dodging uncomfortably between milling shoppers who are concentrating on which flavour of crisps to get, half-wheezing a ‘sorry’ each time he bumps someone or something with the corner of the basket. He keeps reminding himself that this isn’t a big deal, that it’s fine, that he can just get something funny if there is anything funny to be had here. 

That’s when he finds the random section of clearance stuff. Usually there’s some sort of gem in here, some weird thing that beyond all odds, the convenience store apparently stocks (or did stock until it was now discontinued). Rifling around the dusty and slightly sticky cardboard boxes that used to house tins of soup, he pulls out bits and pieces and examines them before returning them. Baby suits, tins of mints that are dented and probably only full of mint-dust, a tube of toothpaste that’s been taken out the box but is otherwise still sealed. A nearly out of date tin of beans, baby food, a bib with a lion on it that has a chocolatey fingerprint on it, probably from some curious kid in a pram. Nothing much of use... 

Until he finds some things squashed to the back and at the bottom that actually are so stupid that they just might work. 

He ends up spending £30 or so in the store, dark pink by the time the cashier has finished ringing him up and IDing him. He won’t have time to wrap this, obviously, so he’s got a Disney princess gift bag that he shucks his buys into instead of a plastic carrier. Outside once more, he’s running a little late but glad he at least got... Something. Or at least he thinks he’s glad. At this point it’s just a blessing that he didn’t show up empty handed. 

It’s too loud in Sirius and Remus’s flat, and Regulus cringes as people pat his shoulders or give him hugs as he moves through the clustered groups. He tries to move quickly so he can put down the obnoxious gift bag with the other presents as quickly as possible before someone properly notices it in his hand. That would be quite the giveaway as to who got James his presents. 

He finds Emmeline curled into one of the armchairs, scrolling on her phone. When he sits down by her on a nearby stool, she looks up and seems to visibly deflate. She’s not good with crowds either, so he can’t imagine she was having a lot of fun prior to this. It’s nice to see she made an effort to actually turn up, though. 

“Did you manage to get a present?” she asks, and he rubs under his eyes as if to demonstrate the level of stress he’s been under.   
“Barely. I literally bought it on the way here.”   
“Christ, Reg. I’m glad you didn’t tell be beforehand or I’d have been having a heart attack over you being so bloody disorganised this whole time,” she grumbles, and he just smiles at her because she might sound mad, but she isn’t really.   
“Did you get a present?” he asks, raising a brow. She puffs a breath out, flipping some hair from her face as she rolls her eyes.   
“Obviously. I got it a week after we got our names,” she shrugs, and he mumbles something about her being a showoff that gets him an elbow jabbing him in the arm. “Don’t be jealous because my organisation skills are superior to yours.” 

Lily weaves over to them a bit later, holding a glass of warmed winter cider in each hand, wearing one of the ugliest Christmas jumpers he’s ever seen and a huge grin on her face. 

“C’mon, you two! Eat, drink and be merry,” she encourages, pressing the glasses to each of them as they both awkwardly accept. She tuts softly at them. “You’ll probably enjoy this more if you drink a bit, anyway. Loosen you up. God knows I’ve needed it after the finals,” she shrugs. Regulus can’t help but nod, taking a drink of his cider in agreement.   
“I’ll drink to that,” Emmeline says, and Regulus is surprised, sort of, at how friendly and warm she sounds. She’s usually pretty blunt, maybe a little monotone with how to-the-point she is. He guesses she and Lily must get along, then. Once Lily has fetched her own glass off the mantelpiece and they’ve clinked their drinks together, they all take a long sip. Emmeline finishes hers in record time, while Regulus just sips. She must be really tense. 

“So, did you get a present for him?” Lily asks, and Regulus looks around to see if anyone overheard her. She snorts at him being so tense.   
“Yeah, uh... I did. But it isn’t... good,” he coughs, feeling ashamed of himself again because he probably should have tried harder. Lily waves him off, shaking her head.   
“All the better. It’ll be fine, so don’t worry about it, okay?” she reassures, and Regulus nods slowly, processing it. Don’t worry. Sure, he can... try and do that. 

Emmeline wanders off after that to get some food, and Regulus finds himself unsure what to do with himself. He shouldn’t just sit here like a loner, but he doesn’t really know where to start. He ends up looking for his brother, wondering what he’s up to. He finds Sirius, James and Remus on the flat’s balcony, yell-singing Mariah Carrey out into the fast-approaching night. Regulus just kinds of hovers at the balcony door for a bit, trying to be covert as he takes out his phone and gets a video of them. It’s hard to keep from laughing. 

Until Sirius turns around, notices him and grabs his arm, pulling him into their semi-circle. Throwing an arm around Reg’s shoulder, he keeps on singing and Regulus is being jostled between his brother and James, knocking his shoulder into James’s ribs each time Sirius violently sways. He doesn’t even know what to do, if he should submit himself to the embarrassment of singing along. No, he isn’t nearly drunk enough for that. He just lets himself get crashed around like a ship in the elements, casting James apologetic looks each time he’s sent careening into his side. James just grins down at him, a little hazy with beer but otherwise spick and span. 

Regulus can’t really hold his gaze. 

It should be said that even if James is very different from Regulus (as far as Regulus sees it), even if he’s also very loud and very hard to buy for with a £50 limit, and even if he’s Sirius’s best friend, Reg has always found him... Attractive. Which makes the current close proximity and the awareness of the shit presents in the disney princess bag under the tree even more mortifying. He feels his face starting to burn as he tries to stop himself from overthinking it because god dammit he isn’t going to get all flustered like a school girl over James bloody Potter. 

After all, James is... Well, Regulus fluctuates between thinking James is out of his league and far below his league. It depends on the day and how high his self opinion is. Today, he feels that James is probably quite a bit out of his league – popular, attractive, funny, nice. Sings absolutely terribly, smells like pine with an undertone of beer which is somehow not too unpleasant. Has honest-to-god blinking Christmas lights on his jumper. Has hair sticking up in literally every direction in wild, very touchable curls (though Regulus would never touch and besides, probably couldn’t reach). 

He’ll have to cut that thinking out if he’s going to get through the gift exchange with a shred of dignity. 

“Alright?” James asks when they finally stop singing, and Regulus is relieved that he doesn’t have to avoid being caught not singing. He blinks, nods up at James, bitter once more at being short.   
“Yeah, it’s... Loud here,” he nods, even though he isn’t really agreeing with James’s question, just making an offhand statement. James laughs.   
“Yep! Did you get some cider or mulled wine? Did you want anything to eat?” 

Is he always this mothering? 

“Um, yep, Lily brought me cider so I’m all set,” he shrugs, and James tilts his head.   
“Did you already eat dinner? Well, the gift exchange is in half an hour so you should eat, c’mon,” he says, putting a hand between Reg’s shoulder blades and propelling him forward back into the flat and to the kitchen. Regulus had been so caught up in not making a faux pas in this conversation that he hadn’t realised that the only reason Sirius hasn’t been loudly butting in is because he’s snogging Remus against the balcony wall. 

Gross. 

He obliges James in all of his suggestions of what food to try, ending up with a plate piled high with finger food. Small sandwiches, pigs in blankets with a little pot of cranberry sauce, cream cheese vegetable pinwheels, crackers, pomegranate guac on sweet potato. There are so many... Healthy foods, and when he asks about it, James grins. 

“I kind of like cooking,” he explains with a sort of sheepish shrug, and Regulus raises an eyebrow. He hadn’t thought James would be interested in that. Would have been good to know when choosing a present, he thinks grudgingly. “I brought a bunch of food along just to flex on Sirius cooking freezer food and throwing it on plates.” 

“Not a fan of pigs in blankets?” Reg asks.   
“I love pigs in blankets. LIsten, anything for a good sausage, y’know?” he laughs, and Regulus splutters on a mouthful of cider and nearly drops his plate.   
“Says the straightest person ever,” he snorts, and James mocks offense, mouth open and hand over his heart.   
“You wound me! I’ll have you know I’m what they call... bi-curious,” he grins, before shaking his head. “No, not curious. I’m solidly in the middle,” he shrugs, and Regulus is once more thrown for a loop.   
“This is a wonderful setting to come out in. You should have made it more touching,” Regulus quips, all snark and sarcasm, and instead of being offended as some people had been in the past, James just laughs. It’s... Nice. It feels a bit like approval. 

He manages to try most of the food before Lily and Sirius start working on getting everyone into the living room to open presents. James is a damn good cook, it turns out, and he’s shocked. What’s with this guy surprising him so many times in one night? His need for predictability is sobbing, but none of the surprises were bad ones, at least. His stomach is full of good food and he feels like he’s started on actually getting to know someone, which, again, his therapist will surely applaud him for. After all, Regulus is a pretty closed book and he might not have really revealed much of himself to James, but he’d been personable enough to get James to tell him about himself at least. 

As soon as he’s in the living room, still holding a cider but having discarded his half-finished food (he’s never had much of an appetite), he sees the gift bag he put under the tree. Dread fills his stomach. Would James think he’s weird or an asshole for not having done better? Would it look like he had tried too hard to be funny? Had he, Regulus Arcturus Black, seriously bought presents at a convenience store?! 

He doesn’t feel any better when he watches Remus open the gift Emmeline got for him (a massive, chunky-knit sweater) to an excited grin and a heartfelt thanks, which has Emmeline looking embarrassed but proud of herself. He can’t hope for a reaction that good. Sirius doesn’t manage to keep it a secret for more than two seconds when Marlene opens up a box of chocolate boobs along with a set of candy lingerie. She snorts, and no one complains that Sirius gave the secret away so Regulus is even more concerned that he’s going to have to tell James who got him the presents. 

When James finds the Disney princess bag he grins, holds it up to examine the tag – probably trying to guess whose handwriting it is – before he sits down on the floor to open it. It takes all of Regulus’s willpower to stop from running out of the room in abject shame and guilt, but he somehow manages. 

James pulls out the porn magazines first, eyeing the film wraps they’re put in for modesty and snorting as he pulls it off and sees their titles – ‘Babezine’ and ‘Hunkzine’ because Regulus wasn’t going to judge, and it turns out he was right not to make assumptions. Everyone in the room starts cackling and oo-ing and aa-ing, with Lily shouting something like ‘You going to need that, James?’ to which James flips her off with a grin. Then there’s the My Little Pony comb and brush set, which has Sirius nearly keeling over laughing. 

While he keeps going – a dented tin of beans and a fucking bib – Emmeline turns to look at Regulus with total shock written all over her face even as her mouth is twitching into a smile. Yeah, Regulus gets it – he isn’t sure why or how he did this, either. He can feel his face turning red. And then James pulls out the final thing, a small box with a clearance sticker on it, and he outright groans and puts his head in his hands to stop from seeing it. 

“Grow your own boyfriend?” James laughs, and Sirius is giggling on Rem’s shoulder at this point. If it weren’t for the fact that Sirius’s joke present would have been more thought out than this, and that he’d already been revealed to have given a present to Marlene, it wouldn’t be surprising if people thought this was his doing. Lily snorts cider out of her nose and has to run sputtering into the kitchen to clean herself up while Marlene just watches James and grins, totally shit eating. 

That’s good, Regulus reckons. Maybe James will think it was Marlene. 

“Thanks, but I’ve got my eye on someone,” James announces with a coy flip of his messy curls, addressing the room at large. That seems to suggest he hasn’t actually worked out who gifted this monstrosity, which Reg is thankful for. Still, there’s the rest of the evening left to go and time for people to do detective work. He should have gotten a more forgettable present. 

Regulus gets his present near the end. By that point he had half forgotten that he was even getting a present, absorbed in how he was going to dodge questions about who he bought for. Sirius has already sent him a few searching glances as the number of presents left dwindles, trying to piece it together no doubt as more people announce who they bought for as more people open them and exclaim in awe or amusement. 

The present is badly wrapped in tacky wrapping paper and he holds it delicately, unsure what to do with himself. Since he has a trust fund put by, his parents don’t buy him presents anymore and haven’t for some time. It’s been a while since he’s had a present from anyone other than Sirius or Emmeline, actually. It’s not too big but a little awkward to hold as he opens it as it’s kind of flopping around in his arms – maybe clothes, then? He hopes it isn’t a boring dress shirt and tie or anything like that. He does dress semi-professional for almost all occasions because he’s uptight like that but his clothes of preference are sometimes a little more… out there. Of course, unless it were his brother or Emmeline, he doesn’t know how that person would know since he doesn’t think anyone else here follows his finsta account which is the only place he’s ever seen wearing harnesses or mesh or… Stuff like that. 

It’s not that he’s ashamed of it. He’s just awkward and doesn’t know how to express himself around people. He’s always been taught to keep up a certain image, which is why he’s here wearing, yes, skin tight jeans, but also formal shoes and a pressed shirt which had been under a fancy trench coat. 

Sitting down on an armchair to open it up with only a few eyes on him while others continue unwrapping presents, Regulus pulls back the paper and blinks a few times in confusion. 

It’s all in black, predictably, and it is clothes. However, it’s not a dress shirt. A see-through fine black mesh top with a high neck and long sleeves, that as he holds up he realizes is cropped. A pair of fishnet stockings – at this point his face is dark red, and Mary and Marlene are giggling because they clearly think the present is a joke. A… Leather skirt, high waisted and pleated. His eyes feel fit to pop right out because he’s so shocked at it. To top it all off, a leather choker with a ring hoop at the front, spikes sticking out around the collar of it. 

It’s amazing, really. Clothes he absolutely wants to try on, though he’s dubious over how this came to under £50. Still, though, he knows this wasn’t the doing of Sirius, and Emmeline wouldn’t dare buy him something like this to unwrap in public. So who…? 

He quickly pushes all the clothes back into their wrapping and uses the residual tape to seal it up, holding the package on his lap in an iron grip. Cheeks cherry red and a fine mist of sweat creeping down the back of his neck, he looks around the faces of all the people here, only five of which are actually paying attention. 

“Um, thank you,” he mumbles, before looking down at his lap again so his hair falls around his face. He’s hiding his blush, probably not very successfully, while he categorises the people who had been looking to work out who seemed likely. 

Sirius had been smirking with an eyebrow raised and a hip cocked out, but Regulus knows it wasn’t him. Remus had been watching along curiously, but Regulus somehow doubts Remus would buy his boyfriend’s little brother something that… sexy. Lily had been tilting her head at him sort of curiously, maybe gauging his reaction, but still, she had been tactful before and he didn’t think she’d have gotten him anything that might have made him so embarrassed (and interested). Emmeline, he knows it wasn’t her and her shock had been all over her face once more despite her usually measured temperament. Which left… 

James. 

James, watching him, fidgeting with his fingers and bouncing in place as he peeked over the heads of people obstructing his view. Who had looked, by all accounts… Nervous. 

James. 

James bought him this. James who had told him he’s bisexual just earlier on, who had been attached at the hip to him as soon as they had veritably bumped into one another. James who… Who ‘has his eye on someone’. 

Regulus looks back up, gnawing on the inside of his lip. James meets his eye for a split second before definitely turning red and looking aside as Sirius elbows him in the ribs. Remus is grinning slightly as well, as if they’re all in on some kind of joke. Still, James had looked earnest just there so he wasn’t… Joking. If it was indeed him who got Regulus this then he had meant it. 

He isn’t exactly confident in his analysis, but he’s sure enough. Either James got him the present or he’s curious about Regulus and those clothes, which is good enough. And James might seem like an incredibly different person to him even though Lily insists he isn’t, but he’s good looking and funny and that’s about all Regulus cares about for the very moment. 

Plus he trusts Sirius to have at least moderately good taste in best friends so James can’t be that bad. Certainly hasn’t seemed like it the handful of times they’ve had a proper conversation. 

Once everyone has opened their presents, people spread out again and start eating and drinking more. Regulus, still holding his present under his arm, stands up out of the armchair once he’s certain he isn’t being looked at and crosses the room to James. He doesn’t really know what to say, so he just awkwardly reaches out and tugs on the sleeve of his sweater, getting his attention before pulling him off into Sirius’s room. 

This is where the excess coats have been thrown and some people have come to put their presents in here to keep them out of the way and stop them getting trodden on by drunken merrymakers. At the moment, though, it’s empty, and Regulus tugs James inside before shutting the door behind him and leaning back against it, giving himself a moment to catch his breath after squeezing past that many people in close quarters and hoping no one notices that he’s dragging James along by the arm behind him. 

James has a sort of goofy and confused smile on his face, but his eyes betray that he’s nervous, just slightly. Regulus slowly pushes himself up from the door, wanders over to Sirius’s bed and puts the present down. His hair draping ‘round one side of his neck, he talks over his shoulder. 

“Did you like your present?” he asks, because it’s only fair that he actually lets James know who got it if he’s about to call him out on buying the clothes. 

James actually stutters for a moment before he regains his confidence. 

“Um, yeah. The beans looked like I’d just fished them out of a post-apocalyptic cupboard as my last meal, but otherwise, brilliant,” he grins, and Regulus smiles to himself before he finally turns around and fixes James with a curious stare. He sees the man wither a little, turning pink around the ears as he stares back down at Reg. 

“Did-… Did you like your present?” he asks, and Regulus smiles slightly, batting his lashes at James before his hands come to the buttons on his shirt. He tries not to show the fact that they’re trembling.   
“Depends if you got me the right size. Time to find out – I figured you should be the first to see since you got me a whole outfit. Turn around, please.” 

James does as he’s told and it’s obvious even by the back of his head that he’s more than a little bit interested. Regulus changes into the outfit that James got him, flustering more and more as he realises what he’s actually doing here because – is he about to try and fuck his brother’s best friend? 

Yes. The answer is categorically yes. 

He checks himself over in the mirror as he fastens the choker, seeing his pupils blown and blush on his cheeks. He’s really doing this, and he has to admit that he looks... good. He’s never actually worn a skirt before – too adventurous, really. But it’s short enough to show the elasticated garters of the stockings which is... a nice touch. The mesh top makes him feel pretty exposed, given the hard line of his nipples showing through it, and the fact that his midriff is otherwise bare. He’s glad he’s not outside in this, that’s for sure, or he’d fucking freeze. But he looks... good. Good enough, at least, even if he’s self conscious as he turns away from the mirror and faces James. 

“Okay,” he all but breathes, but it’s enough to have James turning around so fast that he nearly falls over. Their eyes meet for a long moment as James’s jaw drops, before he notices that he’s being weird and snaps his mouth shut, licking his lips in a furtive, quick motion.   
“Holy shit,” he whispers, and Regulus knows by now that he’s bright red again and wishes he could have acted, well, smoother about this. It could have been casual and chill but he has to get all flustered and shy... 

He’s caught up enough in his own thoughts that when James speaks again, he’s right in front of him and Reg hadn’t even noticed his approach. He jumps a little, catching sight of James’s hands hovering either side of Reg’s hips. 

“Can I...” he starts, uncertain, but Regulus thinks he gets the gist. He takes a half step forward so he’s more fully in James’s arms, and right away James has got his hands on him at the waistband of his skirt and is roaming upwards. Regulus looks up at him shyly, and James catches his look and smiles, encouraging and warm. “You look amazing,” he reassures, and the low, rougher edge of his voice betrays that he’s kind of turned on by this alone. That in itself is reassuring enough. Regulus goes on tip toe to press their lips together, sighing happily when James moves one hand to wind through his hair. 

Something that Regulus learns then and there is that James is an amazing fuck. Like, really, seriously amazing. His hands and mouth are everywhere and he’s rough at all the right times while also lavishing Reg in attention. It’s a bit of whirlwind, really, because he has so many messages coming from so many parts of his body that he can hardly keep up. He just knows it’s good and he knows that James knows it’s good and even in the awkward parts where James is knuckle-deep inside him, prepping him, Regulus doesn’t get that overwhelmed and nervous way he sometimes does. Afterwards, James actually looks after him too, doesn’t just lie back and go ‘wow’ or some dumb shit like that which Reg has come to expect. He’s cleaned up, held, asked if he needs something to drink or eat, does he want a cigarette, is there anything James can do? Does he feel okay? 

But Regulus can’t stop grinning. He’s tired, his hips hurt and his throat is sore but he’s fucking euphoric. His chest heaving, he rolls over to face James, languid in his arms with a smile on his face and James is just watching him with their breathing in tandem. 

Then he pushes James down on his back and climbs on top for another go at it. 

\- 

What must be at least another hour passes, and people start knocking on the door to come in. James had had the forethought to stick a chair under the handle, thankfully. Begrudgingly, Regulus pulls the skirt back down from where It's ridden up around his waist and shrugs into James’s shirt that he’d had underneath the sweater, not bothering to button it up. He looks like a very drunk, morning-after ‘Hit Me Baby One More Time’ Britney Spears but he can’t really find it in himself to care as he chucks a blanket over James and moves the chair so people can get their shit and leave. 

More than a few curious glances are sent his way as he sits on top of the dresser in his skirt and shirt, hair a mess and hickeys lining his neck and chest. He just looks up from his phone every now and then with the cold and disinterested look he mastered, as every Black family member does, and it sends most them scurrying away no questions asked (apart from Marlene who looks exaggeratedly at James and then to Regulus again and goes ‘ooooooo’). 

So it’s going smoothly enough. 

Until Sirius and Remus stagger in squished into the one sweater, Sirius’s chin not quite making it to the neckline even though Remus is near enough doubled over so they can both try and use the sleeves at the same time. They look vaguely like conjoined (very different-looking) twins, and Regulus snorts. 

Sirius pokes his head more fully out of the sweater to look at him in the shirt and skirt, eyes widening, and Remus is turning red as James leans up on his elbows, shirtless, with a tired ‘hm?’. 

Then the penny drops. 

“Did you fuck in my bed?!”


End file.
